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Monday, July 16, 2012


Today, Chris Vonada is sharing building block #2 with us in his great series on The 10 + 1 Building Blocks of Relationships. Please visit Chris's blog regularly. Welcome Chris!

Affection. The sensual expression of some sort of love...and one of the 10 + 1 building blocks of relationships. This is a personal favorite of mine... so get ready here comes the warm and fuzzy post...

Certainly affection is a fundamental need for all of us... however, that need may be fulfilled in different ways, for different people.
This expression of fondness that we use to feed another person's needs takes a little bit of research to know exactly how to provide the right form of tenderness... the one that will speak to their heart.

The very best description or analysis of this that I've found is given by Gary Chapman in his 5 love languages. If you really want to know how to provide for someone else's needs for affection I would suggest finding out their love language... there's a pretty simple test that one can take through this link. This is a must read for anyone who cares about giving their very best to their mate or the other important people who they keep in their circles.
Chapman says there are 5 of these languages and that our needs for love (and, particularly affection) are nurtured when other people provide them this core building block. The 5 languages:
  • Words of Affirmation - Nothing says I love you to these people quite like "I love you." It's the spoken word that they yearn for... terms of endearment... saying just the right words to them could send them off to attempt a 4-second handstand!

  • Acts of Service - An act of service could be doing the laundry, cooking dinner or washing the dishes. I know, for me, this doesn't sound super exciting or sexy BUT there are people out there who dig it! 

  • Gifts - This doesn't have to come in a Tiffany's box to be meaningful... but knowing the other person's preferences and style would be helpful when picking out a thoughtful gift, for sure. 

  • Quality Time - Think undivided attention here... this person needs what can be one of the hardest things to set aside... time... without any distractions! 

  • Physical Touch - These folks need touchy feely BUT it's not all about the bedroom. Hugs, holding hands and a tender caress of the arm or shoulder would work here... and physical presence and accessibility are also key!
If you can get this love language thing down you are well on your way to providing affection to the important people in your life.

Last but not least, there is a very important Bible verse that goes eloquently with affection...

"Above all else, guard your heart,
for it is the wellspring of life.
Put away perversity from your mouth;
keep corrupt talk far from your lips.
Let your eyes look straight ahead,
fix your gaze directly before you.
Make level paths for your feet,
and take only ways that are firm.
Do not swerve to the right or the left;
keep your foot from evil." Proverbs 4: 23-27

These verses, to me in this context, say we will generally do what we enjoy... so if you truly love and care about these people that are around you, if they are really that important to you, I would encourage you to concentrate on fulfilling their needs for affection... and they'll fill yours too! Also key: keep your eyes focused straight ahead... and remember... nothing worthwhile comes easy... a worthy pursuit, for the right reasons, is more precious than gold! Affection... a sensual expression of some sort of love... just do it!

What's in your "Tiffany's box?" Do you know the love language of the important people in your life?


chris said...

I'm starting to feel at home over here Carol, thanks :-)

Hope you have a wonderful week with the hubby at Lake Tahoe!!

From Carols Quill said...

@ Chris - this is such an important post.

Yes, Tahoe is awesome. So is hubby!

Pam B. said...

I really want to give the people in my life the type of affection that tells them "I love you." How much easier that is understanding the concept of the five love languages. This is a relatively new concept for me.

chris said...

Pam, I would really encourage you to take the test, and to also ask the important people around you the test too. We naturally speak our own language, so if there is someone you love that is close to you and their language is different from yours they will benefit more if you learn to speak their language to them.

Thank you for stopping by and sharing here!

Ashish Shandilya said...

Thanks for sharing this useful info. Keep updating same way.
Regards,AshishRelationship Building-