How Does 10 + 1 = 7 ?

Please welcome my blogging friend, Chris Vonada, as he finishes up his series on the 10 + 1 Building Blocks of Relationships. You can catch up with him over at www.chrisvonada.com.

Well, if you've followed the 10 + 1 series over the past year you may realize that I have reworked the material into The 7 Essentials Of Extraordinary Relationships, the subtitle of my new book that will be released tomorrow, May 15th. There are, in fact, 11 chapters to the book, but only 7 of the building blocks were strong enough, IMHO, to make the list. (IMHO is just added to entertain Carol - hee hee!!). Anyway, it all adds up to love because love is the twine that ties this all together. You know, the cord of three strands? Yep, it's a Jesus thing!

Here's a glimpse of "All Sorts And Conditions Of People"...

",,, and they lived happily ever after..."

It's the standard ending to fairy tales, or stories that imply the good characters were blessed with happiness or joy. Happily ever after suggests we've found the right person or people to share life with. The saying also implies that the journey is ending. That's cool in fairy tales. In our lives that's just when things get exciting, and real. I'll outline how finding the right people is where the journey begins, and the 7 Essentials that I will share with you will then put you on the right track to having extraordinary relationships.

Sound interesting? Just look for this title on Amazon, starting tomorrow.

A special thank you to Carol P. for hosting this series over the past year. I had no idea when we started this what it would turn into... a 144 page book that is by far my best one yet! Thanks Carol for all of your encouragement and friendship!

10 + 1 Building Blocks Of Relationships: Security

So many times in relationships we get stuck in a rut. We keep making the same mistakes over and over and over again. This has a lot to do with personality, but also with our sense of security. Having a sense of security is the most important factor in taking a ho hum life filled with every day ok relationships to one overflowing with extraordinary vitality. Understanding security and where to correctly focus its sense of fulfillment that will take your personal growth and development to a higher level.

Generally, when we think of security in a relationship it can be represent by one of two factors, emotional or financial security. While we find both of these as factors in any successful relationship, their relevance is accentuated in our closest relationships. We find both of these in our closest relationship, the one we share with God. Unfortunately, when we look to other people to satisfy a need that can only be achieved by having a close, personal relationship with God we set ourselves and our relationships up for difficulty and even failure.

There is one key assumption to extraordinary relationships: Our strong, close and healthy personal interactions are at their best when we are compatible with the other people that we surround ourselves with.

If we are compatible with the other people in our close circles, and our lives are centered on the Lord, won't have to look too far to identify the key issues with security. At that point, it would boil down to our own insecurities, the topic of a complex psychological discussion that might be based on a number of factors including personality and events of our past. These insecurities can cause us to latch on to the wrong people for the wrong reasons, and away from extraordinary relationships.

How do I know if I have extraordinary relationships? Here's some insight:

According to clinical psychologist Craig Malkin, Ph.D., "people who feel more securely attached (comfortable being close to and depending on someone) aren’t just happier, but more likely to seek thrills like rock-climbing and parachute jumping and throw themselves into new situations and challenges, like meeting strangers and traveling overseas. And now, new research suggests that their sense of adventure may stem from a lust for life that security, itself, imparts."

I thought that was pretty revealing and refreshing.

Feeling safe and secure in our relationships is a key factor to leading a fulfilling life. (Click To Tweet)

A while back I wrote about some rules of the road for interaction in relationships that we shared at church. These are ideas that would help guard your marriage. While I continue to believe these are good, I also believe that in our closest relationship, in marriage or a committed relationship, if you are truly compatible with your significant other you don't need a bunch of rules to live by... other than maybe this list:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

There is an excellent book that we're reading together right now called The Love Dare. I would highly recommend it to any married couple or those in a long-term committed relationship. You will find out a lot about your significant other, and this book will help you build a rock solid relationship based on Biblical foundation.

Here are three factors that help provide a sense of security in a relationship:

- Time. It takes lots of time to really get to know someone well. Be patient and enjoy the adventure of exploration.

- Trust. I'm a firm believer that the only way to find out if you can trust someone is by trusting them. Maybe think of this as taking baby steps in learning to walk... slowly... steadily... listening and learning along the way.

- Authentic Communication. Eventually the real me is going to show up. We can avoid a whole lot of drama if we're just being down to earth... unless we're really just looking for something other than extraordinary relationships. Then, by all means, Bon Appetit!!

Where do you find security in your close, personal relationships?

The 10 + 1 Building Blocks Of Relationships: Respect

Welcome, Chris Vonada as he continues his series on the 10 + 1 Building Blocks of Relationships. Visit him often at www.chrisvonada.com and find his two new books on Amazon.

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Respect is sort of one of those backwards virtues... sometimes the more we want it and try to get it the farther it wanders away. Respect, like patience, often comes at times of adversity, and through humility. (Click To Tweet)

Maybe one of the more profound verses in the Bible regarding respect in relationships is this one...

"Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.

For whoever would love life

and see good days

must keep his tongue from evil

and his lips from deceitful speech.

He must turn from evil and do good;

he must seek peace and pursue it.

For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous

and his ears are attentive to their prayer,

but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.

Who is is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. Do not fear what they fear; do not be frightened. But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander. It is better, if it is God's will, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil. For Christ died for sons once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous to bring you to God." 1 Peter 3: 8-18

I know what you must be thinking, and you're right: That IS a lot of Bible! These verses are also chock full of good advice when it comes to relationships, and particularly in regards to respect. Thinking out loud... live in harmony, be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble, be a blessing, love life, do good, seek peace and pursue it, and do it all with gentleness and respect.

In my closest personal relationship with Julia, I learned more and I would say the level of respect and trust grew deeper in the last year during the time we were having trouble than during the good times. I believe that it is during times of adversity and stormy weather that we can see clearly what is in someone's heart, and who they really are. It often takes time to really see this clearly, and when it does, goodness appears bright as the midday sun... with the brilliance of a springtime bed of tulips, God's brilliant declaration of perennial love. Love is so often expressed from the heart through these 10 + 1 building blocks, and respect is possibly the most important expression of love.

Sometimes when we think of respect (and peace, for that matter) we may mistake it for a lack of conflict. That doesn't really reveal what's in our heart. Good, healthy hearts build relationships through long-term commitment... and these relationships grow like the tulip whenever there's mutual respect. Here's the most relevant idea of why respect is a part of 10 + 1: Respect is accomplished directly in one-on-one relationships. If one can't have a direct, personal relationship with someone, is there really any room for respect? For sure, I can respect and admire Bill Cosby for what he has accomplished in his lifetime, but I don't have (or need, for that matter) a direct relationship with him (just sayin'). Jesus is changing lives every day, one person at a time, through verses like those shared above, and through direct, personal relationships with people just like you and me. That's super exciting!

We can further expand and apply this broadly, to all of our relationships. From there, respect could extend out as a trait developed through and within a team, and within the body of Christ... but, like our relationship with Jesus, it all falls back to a one-on-one relationship... the one that is most important! Once we get that part straight, we have the opportunity to dream big, ask God boldly, and experience the synergy found through the one body of believers.

Speaking of two lips, respect really hits a home run here...

Love in truth and in action. 1 John 3:18-22

I believe it is through difficult situations and trials that we get to see what's inside a person's heart, and that we can grow closer in our love, respect and trust for each other.

Seek respect not attention it lasts longer. (Click To Tweet)

What specific actions could you take to show respect to others in your most valued relationships today?

2013 begins a concerted effort to encourage other Christian writers. I start today with an interview of my friend, Chris Vonada. You will recognize him as a monthly guest blogger, who has been sharing the 10 + 1 Building Blocks of relationships. He currently has two books published with Amazon, Common Ground…Geology Happens! and Believe…And You Say?

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CAROL: Welcome, Chris. I’m impressed with the speed at which you’ve gotten these books out. Of course the process your readers don’t see has taken you a lot longer. Could you tell us what the writing and publication process was like for your books?

CHRIS: lol... yes, much longer! I was encouraged by a few friends to start writing 3 years ago. They thought it was a gift, I never even recognized it. Maybe think of this as the "initial phase" of honing the craft, trying to learn how to write well.

My first book, Common Ground...Geology Happens! was originally a series of blog posts. I started writing these about 2 years ago. Some super great friend (by the name of Carol Peterson) came up with the suggestion to self-publish these 42 posts as a compilation and book. From there, the process was pretty quick and easy, thanks to Amazon and their self-publishing arm, Createspace. I was able to pull the book together in about a week by using their tools, including an awesome support community and a solid template.

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CAROL: I love the balance in your writing between your faith and your work as a scientist. How have each of those aspects of your life been challenged through your writing? Strengthened?

CHRIS: Great question! I would say that it has been a learning experience for me. I didn't accept Jesus as my Lord and savior until later in life, and was baptized in 2000 by Pastor Tom Bary at Neptune Baptist Church in Neptune Beach, Florida. My journey to get to know Jesus really began at that point, and many of the questions that I had then are still present now. My second book, Believe...And You Say? is about how I have been able to resolve my belief in God with my education as a scientist.

Guy Kawasaki said there are four good reasons to write a book: To enrich lives, for intellectual challenge, to further a cause, and as catharsis. My writing, in general, provides an outlet for each of these reasons at some time or another. It provides me strength to soldier on.

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CAROL: Can you share a little about what you’re working on now? Any prospective date for upcoming publication?

CHRIS: Well, I've found out quickly that a good author's job is only half done when the book is published. I'm spending considerable time now marketing my work. I really enjoy this activity too!

So far as future publications, I have three that I'm actively working on right now: A book about excellent healthy relationships (I will self-publish this most likely in April 2013); The Wellspring Of Life (targeting publication date in Summer 2013); and This Is A Love Story (no date set yet for publication). I have a page on my website  www.chrisvonada.com where folks can keep track of my books and their status.

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CAROL: What would you like our readers to know about you that I haven’t asked?

CHRIS: lol.. I guess the most striking factoid about me is that I'm quite shy.

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CAROL: Please share links to how folks can get their own copy of your books.

CHRIS: Please check out my "books" page on my blog to stay up to date. Believe...And You Say? is currently available on Amazon for FREE (through 1/13/2013). You can also find all of my books at Amazon by searching "Chris Vonada."

Thank you, Carol so very much for this interview and for all of your encouragement and inspiration!!

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You're welcome and thank you, Chris for joining us today. Congratulations on your latest book launch.

And folks, did you see that? "Believe…And You Say?" is FREE through Sunday. I already have my copy...